I had asked him in jumpy static presentation, "What do you want to wear tomorrow sweetie?"
He looked at me three feet tall, maybe an inch taller, from him tip toed up, "I ummm...I want my Carzz!" I looked at him, in a almost surprised look, "Of course, okay hun, cars shirt it is. Let me guess carzzz pants to?" He looked at me in amazement, that I would guess that. "Yesh, I want carz eberyting!" I looked at him in adornment, "Okay well, let's get into bed then. We got your clothes for tomorrow now. I'll set them down here, okay." As soon as as I reassured him that I had everything, he plopped down on his little car bed.
My son has this thing with falling to sleep. It is definitely not hard for him. I think I got blessed with that. I saw him fluttering his eyes, trying to pass asleep. I slowly make my way to his bed, and tuck his soft car comforter over his tiny shoulders. I then felt the floor with inching movements on my feet. Letting my hand release over the door knob with slight pressure. Making the least noise as possible, as I open and close his bedroom door.
My son means everything to me, and I know I mean everything to him. When he was younger he loved cars. It was quite obvious that he did. He also liked the fastest and speediest cars there was. Anything to get from point A..to point B, hoping maybe it will break the sound barrier.
I remember when he turned four, we went into the largest toy store in Arizona. He exasperated in the hugest barring breath ever, "Mommy look..... fast carz!!!" I think I laughed like a hyena, feeling his gigantic happiness echo though the store.
I can not believe that my son will be 17 in a year. I feel like that little boy has grown up to be a handsome devilish young man. His plush little curls in my fingers, as I would noogi his head in enjoyment. I was a happy mother, happy to have a son like him.
I decided that this year would be time. I would get a car for him. A good one too. I was a single mom, working as an overworked nurse at Northbay Hospital. His father left before he was born. He did not care so much for children, and sure did not care much for me. It was sort of a mutual understanding we would go our own ways. He was a good man though. He pays his debts, so I don't have to worry about child support and what not.
I have been saving up for a 2000 Acura TL. He has been telling and secretly slipping it in my thoughts, since he first saw it drive up at a Target entryway. He just had his eyes locked on it, like a lizard luring a near by soon to be dead fly. He wanted it. His blue and green eyes locked hard. Even the strong dusty winds could not blow his eyes away. I knew then, I must get this for him. Even if it means eating two days old bread, and sipping on one day old milk. I will get this for my son, if it's the last penny I pull from the couch.
As I polished it like a new million dollar pearl, I heard his friends and his voice blow in the wind. I get out from the back shrubbery and five foot fence line. I open the gate in a rush of nervous excitement. Then I stop my excitement like my a bag of bricks.
He was with this girl that just barely made it under his shoulders, tall as he was. She had long brown blond hair, that twilled in the wind in perfect movement. Her eyes as clear as day, baby blue. She was perfection. She pressed her look in on his eyes. I knew by that look she gave him, and then the look that he gave back, they were in love. I had been there, I had once been in that sweet teen love. And for some weird awkward reason, I felt I lost part of him. I had lost a piece of that little curly haired boy. My nervous happy composure, deepened down to the shrubbery that hid my face. I had at first uttered calling him sweetie, but then I decided to call him by his name, "Jacob, Jacob....JACOB!" I found myself yelling his name in compulsion of him not answering. I saw his face swing in bewilderment, "Huh?...Oh hey mom." In my head I wanted to tell him that I had an amazing surprise for him, but I didn't. I just imitated a zombie like response a regular mom would say, "Dinner is ready, get inside before it's dark." He then nods his head as his way of answering.
I head back inside and head to the hallway cabinet. I reach for the top shelf for the green laminated book. I then held it in my hand, feeling the portion that had little cuttings of his old t-shirts form the past years. Pinned ever so tightly on the cover. I opened to the first cover and his small little locks stared back at me with his green blue eyes under. I then saw a drop translute his face. Then two more. Three, four. I then dropped the book down on the wood floor, hearing the door open after that. "Mom? Are you okay?" He came in alone, looking at me in a worried confused way. "I ummm, I am okay sweetie, just had something fly into my eye." He then walked closer to me, slow, but closer. He looked down, and saw the book lying on the floor. All of his childhood pictures scattered roughly out the edges. He gathered it back together. Then looked at me again. He said,"Mom, are you sure.." I stopped him in a sudden reaction, "Yeah, I am okay son, just need to get you a plate of dinner." He then dazed me confused, knelted forward to hug me. I decided to nudge away and wonder off to get his food.
"Hey mom?...Mom...MOM!" I came rushing outside, as if a grizzly bear got a hold of him. "What, what is it, what happened." He looked at me so surprised, so confused, so astonished, "Mom, what in the world is an Acura doing just sitting in our back porch?" I then fumble in knowing how he was feeling. Happy, but felt an awkward stance as I stood looking at his more then happy face. "Happy early birthday sweetie, I wanted you to have a thing to take your dates around in. Nothing special." As I said that my heart plummeted at the thought of him actually taking his dates in that car. I mean I knew that he was going to get to this stage eventually. Never knew it was going to happen like it was one day then the next. I felt rendered ill, like I caught a flu, and there was no cure. "Oh my GOD MOM!" He than came hurtling to my rescue, like I was now being trampled by the grizzly.
It has been five months now since I gave him that dang car. I think I am regretting even giving it to him. He is gone all the time. The son that always obeyed my rules, or actually I never even had to make rules. He just knew the boundaries he had to stay behind.
I was watching the second, no third hour of cold case. Getting sick of the blond girl sleeping with the guy she never loved in the first place. "Mom, I am home, sorry I did not call." He then flew his back pack on the stairway floor, and headed up like the car he was driving. I felt like a dumb fool being played. I knew what he was doing every night, parts I did not think to imagine though. I then had enough of this game. "Jacob, get down here right now!"
I then hear nothing after a few minutes, "Jacob!...Jacob...JACOB!"
After the long prevailed wait of nothing, I head up the stairs myself. In flushed anger and despise, I fiddled rapidly with his door. Swinging it open like a wrestler. "Jacob...Jacob?" I then look around a few seconds. It did not take long for my eyes to scroll the room and have my view bleed into the window. The window was half open, with the white sheers whisping in the cold night winds. Creating a mini dust storm in his room. I then shatter my heart and anger to madness. He was gone. I felt the most betrayed then I had ever felt. I felt alone in a way, with knowing he is out there in the dark, at now one in the morning. I could do nothing though. He had no cell phone for me to reach. No trace for me to start. I even wondered if this was the first time he had demised this execution of devious plan. Must have been a few times since he has done this. This is the first of me knowing though.
I then head down the stairs, in a fury of tears. Angry tears, hurt tears, sad tears. I wished I had my young boy back. The one who told me he had the best mom ever, every single day. The one who took his mom's lipstick to make a red starting line on the cement outside. The one who would smile every time I would blow him kisses. I miss him so much.
Sitting alone now, looking out at the cold dark air. Winds hitting at 60 miles practically. Wondering if he is safe. Wondering if he is doing the right things. Then I stop my thought about the last one, "He is not doing the right thing...he is doing the wrong thing." I then cry some more, and lay my head on the couch arm. Hoping morning he will appear like magic. And all this may be nightmare. Feeling such a bad feeling that it might not.
I wake up to the sound of a distant alarm upstairs. Knowing it must be his alarm going off with no hand to push it to stop. I then jolt up, feeling so worried now. Feeling panic mode rush inside me now. I rush up to the stairs again. And then I stop at the entryway of the hallway to his room. The door was still open as I left it. I can now feel the cold air come in through his still open window, pelting my tears cold. It was so cold, so cold.
My mother..is like a saint. She has her ups an downs. But she is probably the sweetest person you'll ever meet. I distantly remember when she took me to this toy store. It was huge. The thing I mostly remember though, was my mom's face when she saw me look at this car I captured with my eyes. She was so astonished and happy, to see me happy that day.
I was happy to finally see my mom smile the biggest smile that day.
I vaguely remember my dad. His tall rugged structure, with just a certain amount of weight on him, for you to be scared of him. He was in my moms life till I was three, I think. My mom always tells me he was never there, and I never knew him. But I knew it was him, just by his voice. I still talk to my dad today. Off and on though. More like once a year, around holidays.
I know deep inside my mom, that she misses him. That she misses his presence. My dad is a mean brute though. She left him because he was abusive to her. I do remember one argument that him and her had when I was three. The last argument most likely. The one that ended what they had.
My mom was in a room and my dad was in it to. They were screaming, and then a thud came off from the door. My mom had been thrown to the door like nothing. Like it had no faze on him that she was 80 or 90 pounds smaller and she was thrown like she was an elephant or something.
Don't ask how I remember this so intense. Maybe it's because till this day, I still have dreams about that.
It would have faded off, but my mom is still hurt inside. Everyday she looks at there wedding pictures. Everyday she pulls out that darn green picture book. I feel like she will never be the same. Even after fourteen years. Even after psychiatric help. She is still the same. It's like being with my dad, made her feel secure. All of his controlling remarks to her, making her feel ashamed of herself. She is a saint, that is all I know. She needed to get out of that, but I feel like it made no difference sometimes.
Lately I have been involved with this girl. She...her name...mmm. "Okay", her name is Eliza. She is perfect in every way. She resembles my mom, I think that's why I like her. She does not look like her, but her soul is beautiful like hers. When my mom met her though, I think she had a guard take place in front of her. She was so bent between me and this guard. I knew she was hurt that I had a girlfriend finally. My first girlfriend. I could feel her stare off in the distance as she would talk to me with her there. She did not like her at all.
I think, that with my mom, she feels attached to much to me. She feels that in a way, I replace my dad and the feelings that were lost. She made me her best friend.
Eliza has things with her though. She has Leukemia. I took her as mine though. I loved her despite all the walls that bare between us. Her disease, my mom, my mom's obsession.
Since she has such a sorrowful disease. I stay with her overnight some nights. To keep her company. Her parents go on trips. They are archaeologists. And out on the border layers of Arizona is there discovery points. Where there work develops. So I stay with her on those days.
My mother thinks it is useless to be with Eliza. She says she will die soon anyway. Why not break up with her and feel the pain now. But I will never break up with Eliza.
One day I found the car my mom got me. It made me so happy to see. She surprised me though. I had no idea she had such distinct taste to get me the exact car I wanted.
But when she gave me it, she hurt me as well. "Jacob, this car is for you to take care of. Not to waste on trips to a dying girl."
I felt so low and so unbounded with the car she got me. I shrugged away from it. Not even caring if I did not say thank you for it.
More then usual I have been over at Eliza's house, keeping her company. Hoping that nothing will take her away from me. If I stay there holding her in my arms, holding up her head till it became to late in the night. That maybe her disease will fade off of her. Knowing inside that it won't.
I have noticed my mother becoming insane. I use the word insane to describe it in simple text. She is out of control.
Ripping up pictures and throwing away memories. It is like she is getting ready for something. A whole other meaning to spring cleaning. I also think that maybe she is getting mad that I am staying over Eliza's house much to often. Leaving her alone to ponder endless alone thoughts.
I know though, that it is her decision to sit in a empty home everyday. Think of only past problems, and past loves. And now her attachment to me, is now harder to grasp. I am going farther off, going my own path.
I love my mom though. It hurts me to see her like this.
One day when I get to Eliza's house, I open up the screen door with ease. It felt different though, not so hard to unlock the niche lock it loosens. It felt already opened. I did not think nothing of it. As I was making myself at home in her Victorian house. Two stories tall, with small decorative windows. I make my way up the creaky old stairs. Then as I glazed my hands over the railing, I felt something. I felt damp sliding eruption fill my senses under my palm. I look down and then try to make out what is on my hand.
I look harder, as the light is dim in the stairway. Then I knew what it was. It was blood. Deep, fresh, red ruby blood. I made my feet scurry as fast as they could up the last three steps I had to take. Even as fast as I was going, it felt like forever to get up those steps.
When I got to to Eliza's room. My heart...no my body...no my soul, fell down to the grain of sand that god made me up of.
"Eliza....Eliza...ELIZA!!!" I said her name like I was one again, and it was the only thing I knew how to say. She left me in my heart, left a whole that stabbed a million times like fire thrown to the graves of the murdered.
The puddle that she was in, I picked her head up under my forearm. I laid her like she was broken in a thousand pieces. I took her soaked hair and cleared her sweet innocent face from it. Then I looked in her closed blue eyes. I looked at her violet pale skin.
The blood was flowing from her chest. She had been stabbed. Not by her, it was obvious. By someone else.
I waited there in shock and disbelief. I just stayed in the same position until the ambulance arrived.
When they took her away. I felt like something took over me. Like an evil spirit has engulped my good one. Like all I felt was hell as I drove back home.
I would have to go to the police in the morning. They wanted to question me. I did not even care if they thought I was the killer. I knew I wasn't and I knew even if they killed me, I would rather be dead then feel the agony I was feeling now.
As I pulled in, with the spirit still inside of me. I got out of my car slowly and dead. I then turned around to the picket of our front lawn. I then stopped, I then felt that spirit actually kill me at that point.
My lifeless mother laid on the front of the shallow grass. She laid with her body disfigured and her neck broke in many places it seemed. I ran again, slower, even slower it seemed to get to her. Slower then going to Eliza a few hours ago.
She was dead.
Her body lying in perfect enlightenment with the second story window. My window.
I then laid near my mom, with more then losses taken over me. My death is now what I wanted.
As I was sulking over her body, I noticed something near hear right hand. A knife. Blood on the knife. Old blood on the knife. I also noticed no blood on my mom though. Not a trace.
Then at that moment I had a flash of what she said to me as I left for school that day. I barely even heard her though. I was in a hurry, I was going to be late.
"Jacob...I am going into town today. Won't be back till maybe later tonight. So don't bother waiting up."
She did not even say she loved me, as she always does. She was going to leave in town? I never thought about that till now. She never leaves town. And our town is small. The next town over is only houses. No stores or anything. And Eliza lives in the next town over.
"She killed her."
He looked at me three feet tall, maybe an inch taller, from him tip toed up, "I ummm...I want my Carzz!" I looked at him, in a almost surprised look, "Of course, okay hun, cars shirt it is. Let me guess carzzz pants to?" He looked at me in amazement, that I would guess that. "Yesh, I want carz eberyting!" I looked at him in adornment, "Okay well, let's get into bed then. We got your clothes for tomorrow now. I'll set them down here, okay." As soon as as I reassured him that I had everything, he plopped down on his little car bed.
My son has this thing with falling to sleep. It is definitely not hard for him. I think I got blessed with that. I saw him fluttering his eyes, trying to pass asleep. I slowly make my way to his bed, and tuck his soft car comforter over his tiny shoulders. I then felt the floor with inching movements on my feet. Letting my hand release over the door knob with slight pressure. Making the least noise as possible, as I open and close his bedroom door.
My son means everything to me, and I know I mean everything to him. When he was younger he loved cars. It was quite obvious that he did. He also liked the fastest and speediest cars there was. Anything to get from point A..to point B, hoping maybe it will break the sound barrier.
I remember when he turned four, we went into the largest toy store in Arizona. He exasperated in the hugest barring breath ever, "Mommy look..... fast carz!!!" I think I laughed like a hyena, feeling his gigantic happiness echo though the store.
I can not believe that my son will be 17 in a year. I feel like that little boy has grown up to be a handsome devilish young man. His plush little curls in my fingers, as I would noogi his head in enjoyment. I was a happy mother, happy to have a son like him.
I decided that this year would be time. I would get a car for him. A good one too. I was a single mom, working as an overworked nurse at Northbay Hospital. His father left before he was born. He did not care so much for children, and sure did not care much for me. It was sort of a mutual understanding we would go our own ways. He was a good man though. He pays his debts, so I don't have to worry about child support and what not.
I have been saving up for a 2000 Acura TL. He has been telling and secretly slipping it in my thoughts, since he first saw it drive up at a Target entryway. He just had his eyes locked on it, like a lizard luring a near by soon to be dead fly. He wanted it. His blue and green eyes locked hard. Even the strong dusty winds could not blow his eyes away. I knew then, I must get this for him. Even if it means eating two days old bread, and sipping on one day old milk. I will get this for my son, if it's the last penny I pull from the couch.
As I polished it like a new million dollar pearl, I heard his friends and his voice blow in the wind. I get out from the back shrubbery and five foot fence line. I open the gate in a rush of nervous excitement. Then I stop my excitement like my a bag of bricks.
He was with this girl that just barely made it under his shoulders, tall as he was. She had long brown blond hair, that twilled in the wind in perfect movement. Her eyes as clear as day, baby blue. She was perfection. She pressed her look in on his eyes. I knew by that look she gave him, and then the look that he gave back, they were in love. I had been there, I had once been in that sweet teen love. And for some weird awkward reason, I felt I lost part of him. I had lost a piece of that little curly haired boy. My nervous happy composure, deepened down to the shrubbery that hid my face. I had at first uttered calling him sweetie, but then I decided to call him by his name, "Jacob, Jacob....JACOB!" I found myself yelling his name in compulsion of him not answering. I saw his face swing in bewilderment, "Huh?...Oh hey mom." In my head I wanted to tell him that I had an amazing surprise for him, but I didn't. I just imitated a zombie like response a regular mom would say, "Dinner is ready, get inside before it's dark." He then nods his head as his way of answering.
I head back inside and head to the hallway cabinet. I reach for the top shelf for the green laminated book. I then held it in my hand, feeling the portion that had little cuttings of his old t-shirts form the past years. Pinned ever so tightly on the cover. I opened to the first cover and his small little locks stared back at me with his green blue eyes under. I then saw a drop translute his face. Then two more. Three, four. I then dropped the book down on the wood floor, hearing the door open after that. "Mom? Are you okay?" He came in alone, looking at me in a worried confused way. "I ummm, I am okay sweetie, just had something fly into my eye." He then walked closer to me, slow, but closer. He looked down, and saw the book lying on the floor. All of his childhood pictures scattered roughly out the edges. He gathered it back together. Then looked at me again. He said,"Mom, are you sure.." I stopped him in a sudden reaction, "Yeah, I am okay son, just need to get you a plate of dinner." He then dazed me confused, knelted forward to hug me. I decided to nudge away and wonder off to get his food.
"Hey mom?...Mom...MOM!" I came rushing outside, as if a grizzly bear got a hold of him. "What, what is it, what happened." He looked at me so surprised, so confused, so astonished, "Mom, what in the world is an Acura doing just sitting in our back porch?" I then fumble in knowing how he was feeling. Happy, but felt an awkward stance as I stood looking at his more then happy face. "Happy early birthday sweetie, I wanted you to have a thing to take your dates around in. Nothing special." As I said that my heart plummeted at the thought of him actually taking his dates in that car. I mean I knew that he was going to get to this stage eventually. Never knew it was going to happen like it was one day then the next. I felt rendered ill, like I caught a flu, and there was no cure. "Oh my GOD MOM!" He than came hurtling to my rescue, like I was now being trampled by the grizzly.
It has been five months now since I gave him that dang car. I think I am regretting even giving it to him. He is gone all the time. The son that always obeyed my rules, or actually I never even had to make rules. He just knew the boundaries he had to stay behind.
I was watching the second, no third hour of cold case. Getting sick of the blond girl sleeping with the guy she never loved in the first place. "Mom, I am home, sorry I did not call." He then flew his back pack on the stairway floor, and headed up like the car he was driving. I felt like a dumb fool being played. I knew what he was doing every night, parts I did not think to imagine though. I then had enough of this game. "Jacob, get down here right now!"
I then hear nothing after a few minutes, "Jacob!...Jacob...JACOB!"
After the long prevailed wait of nothing, I head up the stairs myself. In flushed anger and despise, I fiddled rapidly with his door. Swinging it open like a wrestler. "Jacob...Jacob?" I then look around a few seconds. It did not take long for my eyes to scroll the room and have my view bleed into the window. The window was half open, with the white sheers whisping in the cold night winds. Creating a mini dust storm in his room. I then shatter my heart and anger to madness. He was gone. I felt the most betrayed then I had ever felt. I felt alone in a way, with knowing he is out there in the dark, at now one in the morning. I could do nothing though. He had no cell phone for me to reach. No trace for me to start. I even wondered if this was the first time he had demised this execution of devious plan. Must have been a few times since he has done this. This is the first of me knowing though.
I then head down the stairs, in a fury of tears. Angry tears, hurt tears, sad tears. I wished I had my young boy back. The one who told me he had the best mom ever, every single day. The one who took his mom's lipstick to make a red starting line on the cement outside. The one who would smile every time I would blow him kisses. I miss him so much.
Sitting alone now, looking out at the cold dark air. Winds hitting at 60 miles practically. Wondering if he is safe. Wondering if he is doing the right things. Then I stop my thought about the last one, "He is not doing the right thing...he is doing the wrong thing." I then cry some more, and lay my head on the couch arm. Hoping morning he will appear like magic. And all this may be nightmare. Feeling such a bad feeling that it might not.
I wake up to the sound of a distant alarm upstairs. Knowing it must be his alarm going off with no hand to push it to stop. I then jolt up, feeling so worried now. Feeling panic mode rush inside me now. I rush up to the stairs again. And then I stop at the entryway of the hallway to his room. The door was still open as I left it. I can now feel the cold air come in through his still open window, pelting my tears cold. It was so cold, so cold.
My mother..is like a saint. She has her ups an downs. But she is probably the sweetest person you'll ever meet. I distantly remember when she took me to this toy store. It was huge. The thing I mostly remember though, was my mom's face when she saw me look at this car I captured with my eyes. She was so astonished and happy, to see me happy that day.
I was happy to finally see my mom smile the biggest smile that day.
I vaguely remember my dad. His tall rugged structure, with just a certain amount of weight on him, for you to be scared of him. He was in my moms life till I was three, I think. My mom always tells me he was never there, and I never knew him. But I knew it was him, just by his voice. I still talk to my dad today. Off and on though. More like once a year, around holidays.
I know deep inside my mom, that she misses him. That she misses his presence. My dad is a mean brute though. She left him because he was abusive to her. I do remember one argument that him and her had when I was three. The last argument most likely. The one that ended what they had.
My mom was in a room and my dad was in it to. They were screaming, and then a thud came off from the door. My mom had been thrown to the door like nothing. Like it had no faze on him that she was 80 or 90 pounds smaller and she was thrown like she was an elephant or something.
Don't ask how I remember this so intense. Maybe it's because till this day, I still have dreams about that.
It would have faded off, but my mom is still hurt inside. Everyday she looks at there wedding pictures. Everyday she pulls out that darn green picture book. I feel like she will never be the same. Even after fourteen years. Even after psychiatric help. She is still the same. It's like being with my dad, made her feel secure. All of his controlling remarks to her, making her feel ashamed of herself. She is a saint, that is all I know. She needed to get out of that, but I feel like it made no difference sometimes.
Lately I have been involved with this girl. She...her name...mmm. "Okay", her name is Eliza. She is perfect in every way. She resembles my mom, I think that's why I like her. She does not look like her, but her soul is beautiful like hers. When my mom met her though, I think she had a guard take place in front of her. She was so bent between me and this guard. I knew she was hurt that I had a girlfriend finally. My first girlfriend. I could feel her stare off in the distance as she would talk to me with her there. She did not like her at all.
I think, that with my mom, she feels attached to much to me. She feels that in a way, I replace my dad and the feelings that were lost. She made me her best friend.
Eliza has things with her though. She has Leukemia. I took her as mine though. I loved her despite all the walls that bare between us. Her disease, my mom, my mom's obsession.
Since she has such a sorrowful disease. I stay with her overnight some nights. To keep her company. Her parents go on trips. They are archaeologists. And out on the border layers of Arizona is there discovery points. Where there work develops. So I stay with her on those days.
My mother thinks it is useless to be with Eliza. She says she will die soon anyway. Why not break up with her and feel the pain now. But I will never break up with Eliza.
One day I found the car my mom got me. It made me so happy to see. She surprised me though. I had no idea she had such distinct taste to get me the exact car I wanted.
But when she gave me it, she hurt me as well. "Jacob, this car is for you to take care of. Not to waste on trips to a dying girl."
I felt so low and so unbounded with the car she got me. I shrugged away from it. Not even caring if I did not say thank you for it.
More then usual I have been over at Eliza's house, keeping her company. Hoping that nothing will take her away from me. If I stay there holding her in my arms, holding up her head till it became to late in the night. That maybe her disease will fade off of her. Knowing inside that it won't.
I have noticed my mother becoming insane. I use the word insane to describe it in simple text. She is out of control.
Ripping up pictures and throwing away memories. It is like she is getting ready for something. A whole other meaning to spring cleaning. I also think that maybe she is getting mad that I am staying over Eliza's house much to often. Leaving her alone to ponder endless alone thoughts.
I know though, that it is her decision to sit in a empty home everyday. Think of only past problems, and past loves. And now her attachment to me, is now harder to grasp. I am going farther off, going my own path.
I love my mom though. It hurts me to see her like this.
One day when I get to Eliza's house, I open up the screen door with ease. It felt different though, not so hard to unlock the niche lock it loosens. It felt already opened. I did not think nothing of it. As I was making myself at home in her Victorian house. Two stories tall, with small decorative windows. I make my way up the creaky old stairs. Then as I glazed my hands over the railing, I felt something. I felt damp sliding eruption fill my senses under my palm. I look down and then try to make out what is on my hand.
I look harder, as the light is dim in the stairway. Then I knew what it was. It was blood. Deep, fresh, red ruby blood. I made my feet scurry as fast as they could up the last three steps I had to take. Even as fast as I was going, it felt like forever to get up those steps.
When I got to to Eliza's room. My heart...no my body...no my soul, fell down to the grain of sand that god made me up of.
"Eliza....Eliza...ELIZA!!!" I said her name like I was one again, and it was the only thing I knew how to say. She left me in my heart, left a whole that stabbed a million times like fire thrown to the graves of the murdered.
The puddle that she was in, I picked her head up under my forearm. I laid her like she was broken in a thousand pieces. I took her soaked hair and cleared her sweet innocent face from it. Then I looked in her closed blue eyes. I looked at her violet pale skin.
The blood was flowing from her chest. She had been stabbed. Not by her, it was obvious. By someone else.
I waited there in shock and disbelief. I just stayed in the same position until the ambulance arrived.
When they took her away. I felt like something took over me. Like an evil spirit has engulped my good one. Like all I felt was hell as I drove back home.
I would have to go to the police in the morning. They wanted to question me. I did not even care if they thought I was the killer. I knew I wasn't and I knew even if they killed me, I would rather be dead then feel the agony I was feeling now.
As I pulled in, with the spirit still inside of me. I got out of my car slowly and dead. I then turned around to the picket of our front lawn. I then stopped, I then felt that spirit actually kill me at that point.
My lifeless mother laid on the front of the shallow grass. She laid with her body disfigured and her neck broke in many places it seemed. I ran again, slower, even slower it seemed to get to her. Slower then going to Eliza a few hours ago.
She was dead.
Her body lying in perfect enlightenment with the second story window. My window.
I then laid near my mom, with more then losses taken over me. My death is now what I wanted.
As I was sulking over her body, I noticed something near hear right hand. A knife. Blood on the knife. Old blood on the knife. I also noticed no blood on my mom though. Not a trace.
Then at that moment I had a flash of what she said to me as I left for school that day. I barely even heard her though. I was in a hurry, I was going to be late.
"Jacob...I am going into town today. Won't be back till maybe later tonight. So don't bother waiting up."
She did not even say she loved me, as she always does. She was going to leave in town? I never thought about that till now. She never leaves town. And our town is small. The next town over is only houses. No stores or anything. And Eliza lives in the next town over.
"She killed her."
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