My car will not start again. Shoot. This happened before, but I hated that it happened right now.
I drove all the way from Washington to get to my mom's in California. When I drove down, I did not realize I did not pack an extra fuse. See my dumb car will not start if billows down. It makes this old rusty sound,"grrrrrr...crrrlungggg" I know sounds like it has Asama or something.
Well anyways, as I am standing here in the cold air. I mean it is gosh dang cold. I did not even bring a jacket for the drive. I thought California was hot. But jeeze. I feel like I am in a snow globe.
I am standing here with this dazed look on my face, like what the heck do I do now. I see all the cars pass by me, knowing they think I am full of crap. "What is this young girl doing on the side of the road holding up her finger for? Is she a prostitute?" I can read there minds already. So I just sit on the side of the road next to my old dumb car, that my dang dad got for me. I can hear him say in my head, " A young teenager with there first car should have one they can beat up." So that's why I am stuck with this thing.
So now I am stuck trying to come up with ways to get me moving. I am actually here at my mom's. It's just my luck that my car stops like ten miles before I am there. So dumb, really.
So I decided to get up and walk. I was wearing a knitted halter top. As I got up though, the thing was caught on this prickly bush next to where I was sitting. It just fell apart. The thread unwound, and the whole shirt just unraveled. I thought this stuff only happens to really unlucky people. I guess I am one of them. So now I really can not go anywhere. I am topless. I had only a white see though spaghetti top on. I am sure as hell not going to walk myself ten miles in this.
Then when I think nothing can get worse. A car starts to make it's way towards me. Ha, I guess its the no shirt. Should of thought of it before. Well, the truck that pulls behind my car, has a boy in it. I could barely see him at first, since it was so dark. But as he was getting out, his whole structure came into place. He was pale white, with dark short hair, and tall, very tall. He looked at my car for a sec, then he came up to me. He asked me, "What is wrong with it?" I told him, "Everything!" He grinned, and told me I should hop in. I was a bit hesitant, but what else was I going to do. Sit hear till I rotted.
So I hopped in his truck, it was big. Not when I got in though. It had only two seats. But I was small, so it was easy for me to maneuver to get in. Had space to move, that's the good part of being skinny. He looked ahead to the freeway. He clutched the steering wheel, and buckled his seat belt. Then he looked at me. He said, " You know I can't start her, unless you put on your seat belt to." I blushed, and said of course. Then he yelled, "Wait! Now I did not notice you did not have a jacket." I said, "Its okay, I have clothes at home." "Nonsense, I am not letting you go cold." "Here." He then asked where to go, and I told him just a few ways away.
When we got to my house I hopped out. I then said good bye, and thanked him for everything. He said, "No problem."
As he was driving away, I realized I had his coat on still. I ran a bit, yelling out I still had it. But he had already turned the corner road.
I then came to the house and rang the door bell. My mother came out, and looked at me for a second, and said, "Aby, what in the world, how come your car is not here?" I said, "Well you know, that is a funny story..lets get inside and maybe I 'll tell you a bit."
The next day, it was time to get registered in the new school I was going to go to. I moved from Washington because I needed my mom. My dad had problems with drinking, and I just had enough of that life. He would come home at night with a new girl all the time. I heard way to much for my ears. He was a bit upset because it will be my birthday in a month. I will be turning 18. Yep, I am getting there. This will also be the last year in high school for me. So I am sort of exited. I am not so exited though that I will be doing everything new. I will have to make new friends at the last year of high. I guess things are for a reason though. California has the art institute I want to go to when I get out. I want to write and take photography. It will be at good use for me.
When It was my first day of school at Delemont High, it was called. I felt so, so, so out of place. I was wearing my old sneakers, and my hair was up as it always is. I had my regular clothes on I thought. But when I got there, the girls were so different from me. One girl that passed by me, had two toned blond straight hair, with heels, and a skirt up to her butt. I had no idea that California was this different. I mean I heard. But oh my god! As I came inside the halls of this school, it was huge. It had vaulted ceilings. Millions of windows. It screamed museum.
I found my locker, and I started to put my stuff in it, then someone hit my back. It was this guy I did not even know, he said to me as he was walking away in a crowd, "Hey dork, watch it!" I did not know what he was talking about, but all the people around him were laughing at me. I then noticed him. I noticed the guy that helped me out the other night. I never even caught his name. He was walking with the crowd, not laughing but going along with it. I could tell he was popular. He was at the front. He saw that I noticed him, and he glared at me, and turned away and kept walking off. I wondered why he did that.
While I started to gather my stuff up again, a " Hello" was called out of no where. It was this guy that came up to me with a few other girls. He had glasses on and the other two girls had there hair up like mine. They seemed like dorks like me. "Wow, I can not believe I said that." They sort of mingled with me, they said they could tell I was new. The guys name was, Steven..the two girls..Jennifer, and Sam. I asked them about the guy that was really tall and pale white. They said immediately after I said tall, "That is Derrin. He is the cool kid. Always has been." Jennifer told me that the thing is, he never dates anyone. He is so stuck up with himself that he can not find anyone that completes his standards. I just laughed and went along with it. I knew though, he had a softer side.
I went to my first class, and what a coincident that I had him in that class. I also had him in PE, Science, Math, and English. I had him for every one of my classes. It was so weird. And the whole dang time, he did not say a single word to me. Or even look at me. It just made me feel like...what the heck..do I have spinach in my teeth. I am not ugly, But whatever.
When school let out, Steven asked if I wanted to be given a ride, since I had no car anymore. My car got towed. It was really down. So it was awful. I told him sure why not. He gave me a ride in his car and I got home and said bye.
When I got about halfway up to the house, he came. I could hear this truck come up behind me. It was him, he stepped out of his truck and came towards me. In a low tone in his voice, "Hey can I have my jacket back." I looked at him, and said, "Yeah, let me get it. But before I do, why did you act like you did not know me in school?" He looked at me with a confused look. He said, "I don't know you, I know nothing about you." I was embarrassed. I said, "Yeah that is true, sorry I asked." I then got his jacket. When I handed it to him he said, "I don't hang out with people like you." I said, "Get out of here then you jerk!" He left and drove off rapidly down the street.
The next day at school, they all made fun of me. His whole crowd made fun of me. I guess he told them how pathetic I was or something. Asking him why he didn't notice me. I just ignored them though. They eventually got the point and left me alone. I still had to endure going to class with him though. It was really bad. He snickered to every thing about me. I could not wait for school to end that day. This was only the beginning to a rocky start.
After a few weeks and months went by, he stopped making fun of me. I mean that is an awful long time. He stopped because he wasn't there. I did not know why, but I did not hear or see him for a week. Then two weeks. Then two and a half weeks. Then finally he came back again. He was a bit quite when he came back. He never raised his hand competitively in class anymore. He never made fun of me no more. He never ran ahead of me on PE no more.
I did not know what it was that was making him this way.
After he was done not looking at me anymore. He started to stare at me. Now that just freaked me out a bit. I one time asked what it was, he just turned away. I never asked again.
When I got home one day from school, I was in my room writing. I was looking out my window for inspiration. Out my window I could see the front of the house. The long tall stray grass and the big tree that reached up to my window sill. I could see a field with a fence that went on for miles, just the street over. That's all I could see. Also the rain falling in the field. It was raining lightly on the ground that day. I could barely see the sprinkles outside my window.
When I started to look out my window, a few minutes after, it was him. He was coming up in his truck to my house sidewalk. I then got up and opened the window. I was on the second floor of the house. I looked down at him down below. He was getting out of his car. I yelled below, "Hey jerk, what are you doing parking in my driveway?" He said in a low yell, "I need you to come down here Aby." I did not even know he knew my name. Well, I thought to myself. We did have six classes together.
I decided to go down and see what the jerk wanted. He was just standing there, dumb founded, kicking a rock. He looked really down. I came up to him, and asked him what it was. He asked if I would go somewhere with him. I looked at him just as confused as he did before. I said, "Why should I ?" He said, "Please Aby." I said, "Fine, just..tell me where are we going?"
He told me that he just wanted to show me something.
He took me in his truck down the road past my house. It came up to this long field with lots of trees. Willow trees. I never seen anything like it. All the shade and long cascading leaves to the ground. It was beautiful. He told me to come with him. So I got out and I asked, "I don't want to go to far." He said nothing. He grabbed my hand and took me into the willow trees. It was like a maze that he knew. When we got near to where he wanted to be. He told me, "Close your eyes Aby..please." I closed my eyes, and he took my hand still and took me farther up this hill it felt like.
When we got up the hill, he told me to open them. I looked and I thought the trees were beautiful, but this..this was something else. It was a lake with the willows all around it. It was a small lake though. It was beautiful in every way though. I asked him, "Why are you bringing me here?" He let go of my hand, he said, "The moment I saw you Aby on the highway. The moment I saw your long brown wavy hair and as I got closer, your blue eyes. I never seen another girl like you before." I looked down flattered, I said, "Why didn't you tell me that. Why did you make fun of me?" He looked at the lake. He walked away from me and started to pick up pebbles and throw them into the lake. I asked him again, but he would not respond. He looked at me as he turned towards me. He said, "I don't know why I brought you here Aby." I think we should get back. I looked at him weird, and I said, "okay. "
When we got back to my house, the whole time driving there was silent. When he let me out of the truck he said, "Thank you for coming with me Aby, its good if you just forget what happened though." He then left back in his truck and went off.
Steven and Jennifer were waiting for me at the gate at school. They asked why I did not come to the Cafe yesterday after school. I said, "I had to do nothing, I had nothing planned, sorry guys, didn't mean to leave you hanging. I will for sure after school today."
When we started class, I noticed Derrin was not looking at me again. He started to just ignore me again.
Before our last class ended though, he passed me a note. He wrote that he wanted me to see him after school if I could. I looked at him, he was looking down at his writing pamphlet. I wrote, "Sure."
I went in his truck again. He did not say a word. He took me to the same place. Down the road past my house. Through the branches and up the hill. We sat there in silence this time. With our pants rolled up. And our feet in the water. The whole time though, we held hands. I did not know what his intentions were. I just went along with it.
This went on for weeks. We at first though, said nothing to each other. And still say nothing to each other at school. Then, a bit later, we started talking about life, and miscellaneous stuff when we would be alone at our spot. It was like he had so much to say, but he was shy. Then again he was not, he was the most popular guy in school. I just could not get him. Even after talking and hanging out with him everyday after school. I still did not get why he did not talk to me at school. Also, if he liked me so much, why do we only hold hands. It has been months now. I still feel like I know nothing of why he does this. I am afraid to even ask though. I like him a lot now. I notice things about him now. The way he laughs and smiles. He smiles with only the left side up. He laughs with a stop laugh. It is where you laugh, then you stop a bit, and laugh again. It was like I was falling in love with him. I think he was falling in love with me to. I think? He does not even want my phone number. Well I don't know if he does, he just never asks...
One day at school, I noticed he was with another girl. She was popular in school, and it just seemed right I guess. We don't even hang out at school anyway. But for some reason, I felt mad and sad inside. It hurt so much to see that. At that point, I knew it was getting to far. These little Ronda Vues with him after school. That I had no idea what they were about anyway. After school he waited for me at his truck as always. In the back of the school. Where no one can see us as always. I came up to him and said, "No Derren! I am not going with you today." He looked at me, and said, "Why, what's wrong Aby?" I told him, " I don't know what we are Derren. We go to that place, and all we do is talk, and do nothing but that. I mean, I know you feel more Derren...I know. It just makes me mad that you won't say how you feel." He looked at me, and said, " Aby..."
I said, "What!?"
He said, " I love you Aby."
I looked at him, and tears started to fall down my cheek, I felt cold water come down on my head, and it started to rain. I felt the warm tears and the cold water fuse together on my face. I said, "Really, you mean that." He said, "Yes, I have always loved you Aby."
I ran to him a foot away from me, and held him so tight. I said, "I love you Derren, I love you so much!"
He took my hand and told me to get in the truck. We rode to our place again. I held his hand the whole way, with my head in his lap while driving. We started to walk up the hill and made slowly with our hands locked, sat down on a grassy area near the lake. We then laid down in the grass, and looked up at the mazed branches. He then turned upwards and came up on my waist, he started to touch my face and neck. He looked in my eyes with the sun going down on them. My heart started to pound like never before. He put his hands though my hair and his lips barely touching my neck. Just grazing them on my left side, he comes up to my ear lobe. He nibbles gently. He then looks up and with barely closed eyes, he stares lovingly though my eyes. He then closes his eyes completely and lunges to kiss me gently. We passionately make out. With his hands still in my hair, his body next to me. Then in the heat of the moment, I decided to wrap my arms around his body and make my way toward his. Making myself planted on top of him, but as I was doing so, he nudged me off. He then got up. Leaving me on the ground. He said, "We should go Aby." I looked at him confused as ever, I said, " What is the matter?" He said, " I can't do this."
So he took me by the hand and rushed me to the car. Once again it was silent in the truck. He let me off to my house. Said nothing, no goodbye, no hug, nothing. He left.
It was the next day at school, and he was not there. He did not show up later either. He was not there the day after, or a week after. He was not there for months. I longed for him. I even cried for him. One day I got a call on the intercom at school. The intercom said, "Aby Dell, please come to the office, Aby Dell."
I did not know what it was about at all. When I got to the office, a counselor and the Principal came up to me. They sat me down in a office. A man was in the office as well. Much resembling Derren. Just older, like thirty years older. The Counselor asked if I knew Derren. I said I did, but asked why. The man that was standing, said, "He is my son young lady, I am here to ask you a favor." With a questioned look, I said, " What is it?" Then man sat down near the counselor, and softly said, "My son, the one you have been hanging out with, he has cancer, he has had cancer for years now. He told me all about you recently. He asked that you come to the hospital to see him. He only asks for you though, he does not even want me anymore."
I was so brought back in my chair, I started to tear up. I stuttered to the man, "How bad is he?"
The man said, "He is dying. We tried treatment on him, but there is nothing left to do."
I looked down at my old sneakers, and saw tears strike my shoe laces. The man grabbed my hands on my knees. He said, "Young lady, this would make him feel a whole lot better...gauranteed."
I looked up, and wiped the tears off my eyes, I said, "Okay."
When I got to the room where he was in, it felt cold. I hated hospitals, they all feel cold. But this room I was going up to was exceptionally cold.
When I got to his room, and opened the door, I saw him rested on the bed with a cap on his head. He had his eyes closed, then when I walked near him, they barely opened. He looked at my hand near his. He then got close to it, and kissed it. He said grasply, " Aby, I knew you would come." I looked down at him and pulled up a chair. I said, "Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't you tell me you had cancer?" He said, "I did not want anyone to care for me. I knew I was going to die Aby..this year." I just...I saw you...and you were irriesistable. I had not been with anyone Aby ever. I have always had cancer off and on in my life. I am dying this time though. I did not want to do this to you. I did not want you to love me Aby."
Tears came down on our hands, I said, " Why does it have to be this way, I love you!"
He grasped my hand tighter, and kissed it again, he said, "You will be okay, I am just sorry I had to put you though this. Come here Aby, come lay next to me." He and I held eachother, he told me before we fell asleep, "I love you Aby, I always will." I told him, "I always will....always!"
I then fell asleep in his frail arms, and listened to his fragile heart pound next to mine.
When it became morning, I saw the light shine though the hospital blinds. I then rolled over in the bed..I noticed he was not there with me anymore. I searched around, he was not in the room anymore. I rushed out in the hallway of the hospital and asked one of the front desk nurses where he was. The lady said, "He passed away last night...I am sorry sweetie." First my heart fell, then my feet, then my whole self to the ground. I felt the lowest I ever felt in my whole life. I loved him so much. It tore my heart in peices all over the floor. Crying till my mother picked me up and took me home.
When I got home and headed in my room, I decided to go to the lake. I could not stay in my room, I had to go.
When I got to the willows and up the hill, to the lake. I got up towards the lake and I saw it. I saw it just lying there. It was his jacket. I ran up to it crying. I put it on and sat there for a while looking at the willows and the leaves that were falling in the lake. I then stopped looking at everything and sitting, and left back home.
When I got home and went in my room. I sat on my bed thinking, longing for him, needing him again.
I decided to take off the jacket and set it aside, but I decided to go though the pockets it had. I just radomelly looked though, and I felt something in one of them. It was a piece of paper. I opened it and it was his handwring saying,
"I love you forever Aby...here is that fuse you needed."
A fuse was taped to the paper..I smiled.
I drove all the way from Washington to get to my mom's in California. When I drove down, I did not realize I did not pack an extra fuse. See my dumb car will not start if billows down. It makes this old rusty sound,"grrrrrr...crrrlungggg" I know sounds like it has Asama or something.
Well anyways, as I am standing here in the cold air. I mean it is gosh dang cold. I did not even bring a jacket for the drive. I thought California was hot. But jeeze. I feel like I am in a snow globe.
I am standing here with this dazed look on my face, like what the heck do I do now. I see all the cars pass by me, knowing they think I am full of crap. "What is this young girl doing on the side of the road holding up her finger for? Is she a prostitute?" I can read there minds already. So I just sit on the side of the road next to my old dumb car, that my dang dad got for me. I can hear him say in my head, " A young teenager with there first car should have one they can beat up." So that's why I am stuck with this thing.
So now I am stuck trying to come up with ways to get me moving. I am actually here at my mom's. It's just my luck that my car stops like ten miles before I am there. So dumb, really.
So I decided to get up and walk. I was wearing a knitted halter top. As I got up though, the thing was caught on this prickly bush next to where I was sitting. It just fell apart. The thread unwound, and the whole shirt just unraveled. I thought this stuff only happens to really unlucky people. I guess I am one of them. So now I really can not go anywhere. I am topless. I had only a white see though spaghetti top on. I am sure as hell not going to walk myself ten miles in this.
Then when I think nothing can get worse. A car starts to make it's way towards me. Ha, I guess its the no shirt. Should of thought of it before. Well, the truck that pulls behind my car, has a boy in it. I could barely see him at first, since it was so dark. But as he was getting out, his whole structure came into place. He was pale white, with dark short hair, and tall, very tall. He looked at my car for a sec, then he came up to me. He asked me, "What is wrong with it?" I told him, "Everything!" He grinned, and told me I should hop in. I was a bit hesitant, but what else was I going to do. Sit hear till I rotted.
So I hopped in his truck, it was big. Not when I got in though. It had only two seats. But I was small, so it was easy for me to maneuver to get in. Had space to move, that's the good part of being skinny. He looked ahead to the freeway. He clutched the steering wheel, and buckled his seat belt. Then he looked at me. He said, " You know I can't start her, unless you put on your seat belt to." I blushed, and said of course. Then he yelled, "Wait! Now I did not notice you did not have a jacket." I said, "Its okay, I have clothes at home." "Nonsense, I am not letting you go cold." "Here." He then asked where to go, and I told him just a few ways away.
When we got to my house I hopped out. I then said good bye, and thanked him for everything. He said, "No problem."
As he was driving away, I realized I had his coat on still. I ran a bit, yelling out I still had it. But he had already turned the corner road.
I then came to the house and rang the door bell. My mother came out, and looked at me for a second, and said, "Aby, what in the world, how come your car is not here?" I said, "Well you know, that is a funny story..lets get inside and maybe I 'll tell you a bit."
The next day, it was time to get registered in the new school I was going to go to. I moved from Washington because I needed my mom. My dad had problems with drinking, and I just had enough of that life. He would come home at night with a new girl all the time. I heard way to much for my ears. He was a bit upset because it will be my birthday in a month. I will be turning 18. Yep, I am getting there. This will also be the last year in high school for me. So I am sort of exited. I am not so exited though that I will be doing everything new. I will have to make new friends at the last year of high. I guess things are for a reason though. California has the art institute I want to go to when I get out. I want to write and take photography. It will be at good use for me.
When It was my first day of school at Delemont High, it was called. I felt so, so, so out of place. I was wearing my old sneakers, and my hair was up as it always is. I had my regular clothes on I thought. But when I got there, the girls were so different from me. One girl that passed by me, had two toned blond straight hair, with heels, and a skirt up to her butt. I had no idea that California was this different. I mean I heard. But oh my god! As I came inside the halls of this school, it was huge. It had vaulted ceilings. Millions of windows. It screamed museum.
I found my locker, and I started to put my stuff in it, then someone hit my back. It was this guy I did not even know, he said to me as he was walking away in a crowd, "Hey dork, watch it!" I did not know what he was talking about, but all the people around him were laughing at me. I then noticed him. I noticed the guy that helped me out the other night. I never even caught his name. He was walking with the crowd, not laughing but going along with it. I could tell he was popular. He was at the front. He saw that I noticed him, and he glared at me, and turned away and kept walking off. I wondered why he did that.
While I started to gather my stuff up again, a " Hello" was called out of no where. It was this guy that came up to me with a few other girls. He had glasses on and the other two girls had there hair up like mine. They seemed like dorks like me. "Wow, I can not believe I said that." They sort of mingled with me, they said they could tell I was new. The guys name was, Steven..the two girls..Jennifer, and Sam. I asked them about the guy that was really tall and pale white. They said immediately after I said tall, "That is Derrin. He is the cool kid. Always has been." Jennifer told me that the thing is, he never dates anyone. He is so stuck up with himself that he can not find anyone that completes his standards. I just laughed and went along with it. I knew though, he had a softer side.
I went to my first class, and what a coincident that I had him in that class. I also had him in PE, Science, Math, and English. I had him for every one of my classes. It was so weird. And the whole dang time, he did not say a single word to me. Or even look at me. It just made me feel like...what the heck..do I have spinach in my teeth. I am not ugly, But whatever.
When school let out, Steven asked if I wanted to be given a ride, since I had no car anymore. My car got towed. It was really down. So it was awful. I told him sure why not. He gave me a ride in his car and I got home and said bye.
When I got about halfway up to the house, he came. I could hear this truck come up behind me. It was him, he stepped out of his truck and came towards me. In a low tone in his voice, "Hey can I have my jacket back." I looked at him, and said, "Yeah, let me get it. But before I do, why did you act like you did not know me in school?" He looked at me with a confused look. He said, "I don't know you, I know nothing about you." I was embarrassed. I said, "Yeah that is true, sorry I asked." I then got his jacket. When I handed it to him he said, "I don't hang out with people like you." I said, "Get out of here then you jerk!" He left and drove off rapidly down the street.
The next day at school, they all made fun of me. His whole crowd made fun of me. I guess he told them how pathetic I was or something. Asking him why he didn't notice me. I just ignored them though. They eventually got the point and left me alone. I still had to endure going to class with him though. It was really bad. He snickered to every thing about me. I could not wait for school to end that day. This was only the beginning to a rocky start.
After a few weeks and months went by, he stopped making fun of me. I mean that is an awful long time. He stopped because he wasn't there. I did not know why, but I did not hear or see him for a week. Then two weeks. Then two and a half weeks. Then finally he came back again. He was a bit quite when he came back. He never raised his hand competitively in class anymore. He never made fun of me no more. He never ran ahead of me on PE no more.
I did not know what it was that was making him this way.
After he was done not looking at me anymore. He started to stare at me. Now that just freaked me out a bit. I one time asked what it was, he just turned away. I never asked again.
When I got home one day from school, I was in my room writing. I was looking out my window for inspiration. Out my window I could see the front of the house. The long tall stray grass and the big tree that reached up to my window sill. I could see a field with a fence that went on for miles, just the street over. That's all I could see. Also the rain falling in the field. It was raining lightly on the ground that day. I could barely see the sprinkles outside my window.
When I started to look out my window, a few minutes after, it was him. He was coming up in his truck to my house sidewalk. I then got up and opened the window. I was on the second floor of the house. I looked down at him down below. He was getting out of his car. I yelled below, "Hey jerk, what are you doing parking in my driveway?" He said in a low yell, "I need you to come down here Aby." I did not even know he knew my name. Well, I thought to myself. We did have six classes together.
I decided to go down and see what the jerk wanted. He was just standing there, dumb founded, kicking a rock. He looked really down. I came up to him, and asked him what it was. He asked if I would go somewhere with him. I looked at him just as confused as he did before. I said, "Why should I ?" He said, "Please Aby." I said, "Fine, just..tell me where are we going?"
He told me that he just wanted to show me something.
He took me in his truck down the road past my house. It came up to this long field with lots of trees. Willow trees. I never seen anything like it. All the shade and long cascading leaves to the ground. It was beautiful. He told me to come with him. So I got out and I asked, "I don't want to go to far." He said nothing. He grabbed my hand and took me into the willow trees. It was like a maze that he knew. When we got near to where he wanted to be. He told me, "Close your eyes Aby..please." I closed my eyes, and he took my hand still and took me farther up this hill it felt like.
When we got up the hill, he told me to open them. I looked and I thought the trees were beautiful, but this..this was something else. It was a lake with the willows all around it. It was a small lake though. It was beautiful in every way though. I asked him, "Why are you bringing me here?" He let go of my hand, he said, "The moment I saw you Aby on the highway. The moment I saw your long brown wavy hair and as I got closer, your blue eyes. I never seen another girl like you before." I looked down flattered, I said, "Why didn't you tell me that. Why did you make fun of me?" He looked at the lake. He walked away from me and started to pick up pebbles and throw them into the lake. I asked him again, but he would not respond. He looked at me as he turned towards me. He said, "I don't know why I brought you here Aby." I think we should get back. I looked at him weird, and I said, "okay. "
When we got back to my house, the whole time driving there was silent. When he let me out of the truck he said, "Thank you for coming with me Aby, its good if you just forget what happened though." He then left back in his truck and went off.
Steven and Jennifer were waiting for me at the gate at school. They asked why I did not come to the Cafe yesterday after school. I said, "I had to do nothing, I had nothing planned, sorry guys, didn't mean to leave you hanging. I will for sure after school today."
When we started class, I noticed Derrin was not looking at me again. He started to just ignore me again.
Before our last class ended though, he passed me a note. He wrote that he wanted me to see him after school if I could. I looked at him, he was looking down at his writing pamphlet. I wrote, "Sure."
I went in his truck again. He did not say a word. He took me to the same place. Down the road past my house. Through the branches and up the hill. We sat there in silence this time. With our pants rolled up. And our feet in the water. The whole time though, we held hands. I did not know what his intentions were. I just went along with it.
This went on for weeks. We at first though, said nothing to each other. And still say nothing to each other at school. Then, a bit later, we started talking about life, and miscellaneous stuff when we would be alone at our spot. It was like he had so much to say, but he was shy. Then again he was not, he was the most popular guy in school. I just could not get him. Even after talking and hanging out with him everyday after school. I still did not get why he did not talk to me at school. Also, if he liked me so much, why do we only hold hands. It has been months now. I still feel like I know nothing of why he does this. I am afraid to even ask though. I like him a lot now. I notice things about him now. The way he laughs and smiles. He smiles with only the left side up. He laughs with a stop laugh. It is where you laugh, then you stop a bit, and laugh again. It was like I was falling in love with him. I think he was falling in love with me to. I think? He does not even want my phone number. Well I don't know if he does, he just never asks...
One day at school, I noticed he was with another girl. She was popular in school, and it just seemed right I guess. We don't even hang out at school anyway. But for some reason, I felt mad and sad inside. It hurt so much to see that. At that point, I knew it was getting to far. These little Ronda Vues with him after school. That I had no idea what they were about anyway. After school he waited for me at his truck as always. In the back of the school. Where no one can see us as always. I came up to him and said, "No Derren! I am not going with you today." He looked at me, and said, "Why, what's wrong Aby?" I told him, " I don't know what we are Derren. We go to that place, and all we do is talk, and do nothing but that. I mean, I know you feel more Derren...I know. It just makes me mad that you won't say how you feel." He looked at me, and said, " Aby..."
I said, "What!?"
He said, " I love you Aby."
I looked at him, and tears started to fall down my cheek, I felt cold water come down on my head, and it started to rain. I felt the warm tears and the cold water fuse together on my face. I said, "Really, you mean that." He said, "Yes, I have always loved you Aby."
I ran to him a foot away from me, and held him so tight. I said, "I love you Derren, I love you so much!"
He took my hand and told me to get in the truck. We rode to our place again. I held his hand the whole way, with my head in his lap while driving. We started to walk up the hill and made slowly with our hands locked, sat down on a grassy area near the lake. We then laid down in the grass, and looked up at the mazed branches. He then turned upwards and came up on my waist, he started to touch my face and neck. He looked in my eyes with the sun going down on them. My heart started to pound like never before. He put his hands though my hair and his lips barely touching my neck. Just grazing them on my left side, he comes up to my ear lobe. He nibbles gently. He then looks up and with barely closed eyes, he stares lovingly though my eyes. He then closes his eyes completely and lunges to kiss me gently. We passionately make out. With his hands still in my hair, his body next to me. Then in the heat of the moment, I decided to wrap my arms around his body and make my way toward his. Making myself planted on top of him, but as I was doing so, he nudged me off. He then got up. Leaving me on the ground. He said, "We should go Aby." I looked at him confused as ever, I said, " What is the matter?" He said, " I can't do this."
So he took me by the hand and rushed me to the car. Once again it was silent in the truck. He let me off to my house. Said nothing, no goodbye, no hug, nothing. He left.
It was the next day at school, and he was not there. He did not show up later either. He was not there the day after, or a week after. He was not there for months. I longed for him. I even cried for him. One day I got a call on the intercom at school. The intercom said, "Aby Dell, please come to the office, Aby Dell."
I did not know what it was about at all. When I got to the office, a counselor and the Principal came up to me. They sat me down in a office. A man was in the office as well. Much resembling Derren. Just older, like thirty years older. The Counselor asked if I knew Derren. I said I did, but asked why. The man that was standing, said, "He is my son young lady, I am here to ask you a favor." With a questioned look, I said, " What is it?" Then man sat down near the counselor, and softly said, "My son, the one you have been hanging out with, he has cancer, he has had cancer for years now. He told me all about you recently. He asked that you come to the hospital to see him. He only asks for you though, he does not even want me anymore."
I was so brought back in my chair, I started to tear up. I stuttered to the man, "How bad is he?"
The man said, "He is dying. We tried treatment on him, but there is nothing left to do."
I looked down at my old sneakers, and saw tears strike my shoe laces. The man grabbed my hands on my knees. He said, "Young lady, this would make him feel a whole lot better...gauranteed."
I looked up, and wiped the tears off my eyes, I said, "Okay."
When I got to the room where he was in, it felt cold. I hated hospitals, they all feel cold. But this room I was going up to was exceptionally cold.
When I got to his room, and opened the door, I saw him rested on the bed with a cap on his head. He had his eyes closed, then when I walked near him, they barely opened. He looked at my hand near his. He then got close to it, and kissed it. He said grasply, " Aby, I knew you would come." I looked down at him and pulled up a chair. I said, "Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't you tell me you had cancer?" He said, "I did not want anyone to care for me. I knew I was going to die Aby..this year." I just...I saw you...and you were irriesistable. I had not been with anyone Aby ever. I have always had cancer off and on in my life. I am dying this time though. I did not want to do this to you. I did not want you to love me Aby."
Tears came down on our hands, I said, " Why does it have to be this way, I love you!"
He grasped my hand tighter, and kissed it again, he said, "You will be okay, I am just sorry I had to put you though this. Come here Aby, come lay next to me." He and I held eachother, he told me before we fell asleep, "I love you Aby, I always will." I told him, "I always will....always!"
I then fell asleep in his frail arms, and listened to his fragile heart pound next to mine.
When it became morning, I saw the light shine though the hospital blinds. I then rolled over in the bed..I noticed he was not there with me anymore. I searched around, he was not in the room anymore. I rushed out in the hallway of the hospital and asked one of the front desk nurses where he was. The lady said, "He passed away last night...I am sorry sweetie." First my heart fell, then my feet, then my whole self to the ground. I felt the lowest I ever felt in my whole life. I loved him so much. It tore my heart in peices all over the floor. Crying till my mother picked me up and took me home.
When I got home and headed in my room, I decided to go to the lake. I could not stay in my room, I had to go.
When I got to the willows and up the hill, to the lake. I got up towards the lake and I saw it. I saw it just lying there. It was his jacket. I ran up to it crying. I put it on and sat there for a while looking at the willows and the leaves that were falling in the lake. I then stopped looking at everything and sitting, and left back home.
When I got home and went in my room. I sat on my bed thinking, longing for him, needing him again.
I decided to take off the jacket and set it aside, but I decided to go though the pockets it had. I just radomelly looked though, and I felt something in one of them. It was a piece of paper. I opened it and it was his handwring saying,
"I love you forever Aby...here is that fuse you needed."
A fuse was taped to the paper..I smiled.
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