Lillies Were Her Favorite

"No baby that's not true."

"Please babe, just go home now."

"Baby you are not going to ever leave me okay!"

"Babe just go home and get some rest, and come back after work tomorrow."

"Do you know what tomorrow is baby?"

"Yes, I do and don't you do anything special, you hear?"

"Okay baby, I am going home, and you get some rest baby, for tomorrow is a big day."

"It will be just another day baby, so please don't do anything special okay!"

"Okay baby, good night sweetie!"

"Good night hun!"

I think I have know her for eight years. We have been married including today as our fourth anniversary. Since the moment I saw her I never met anyone that could sweet talk me the way she could. I met her in Casual Cafe that was right by the college we took together. I for one never even knew we went to the same college at the time. I swore to myself when I found out, that I must have been absolutely blind for not seeing such a gorgeous god's gift as she was.
I mean when she came into the coffee shop, she had long blond hair and pail blushed skin. She had dimples when she would smile. I would call them happy marks.
She decided to sit by me drinking her coffee. We went on talking about philosophy and earthly matters. We were big debaters and constantly went back and forth on physiological theories. We were both very wise in that subject and were both studying it. We had different teachers though.
Well anyways to make a long story short, I loved her. The days after I met her in that coffee shop was the beginning of my life I felt like. She meant everything to me. Upon her crackly laugh, and how she would wake up in the morning with her wavy locks making the worst bed head hair ever. I always made fun of her for that. She would always end up bagging on how great my hair was(sarcastically of course) since I had barely any hair...ha. God she was gorgeous even then.
Four years later we got married in a small christian chapel with the traditional long white Vail and gown, and tons of in-laws. That day became the second happiest day of my life. So beautiful she was I remember. With which I swore a sparkle shone from every angle of her presence that day. Her happy marks dented in the whole day, and so did mine.

After a year being married to her, she had to go to the doctor for some pain she was having. The beginning of the end started that very day. She was diagnosed with cancer. I think I cried all night, weeks, months. I could not begin to tell the hate, sadness, I had for god that day.
She though, she did not even cry or shed a tear. She did change. It was like a shell or veneer covered her face and personality. She was not the same person anymore. She smiled once and a while, but mostly to just make me happy.

After a few years of her being diagnosed, the doctors put her into the routine therapy that was needed. It seemed it wasn't working though.
She was dying before me, and there was nothing I could do. You don't even know how it feels to see a person die dramatically over time. And no way to save that person.Lately she has been ordered to bed rest and it has been that way for weeks now.
Today though was our anniversary. Even though she told me not to do anything, I still was going to. I got off work early today just to do so.
I went to the floral market and got her most favorite flowers. She used to be a florist when we first met. That was her job. To rearrange flowers to make them look just as beautiful as she was.
I picked out a vase and her favorite lilies to put in them. The freshest one's of course.
I got to the hospital and went to the second floor. As I got out of the elevator and headed towards her room, a nurse I knew stopped me. She said in a shaky low tone, " She passed late last night, I am sorry."
I think my soul dropped to the ground, I know it did, I felt it. I then pushed her aside and ran to the room.
There was nothing left. It was empty. The bed was made neat and the room lost her scent already. I put the flowers down without even looking, on the counter beside me. I then dropped to the tiled ground. I sulked in my tears and sorrow. It hurt so fucking much. I did not expect her to leave me just yet.
"Please god", I would say to myself, "Not yet."
She was gone though within an instant, just like that. I did not even get to say I loved her, or good bye. I did not even praise her hand or hold her tight.

I went to her funeral and did not even cry. I felt like a part of me was gone and lost and I will never get it back. Nothing to think about or speak of no more.


About five years have past now. I have still not moved on and don't think I ever will. She was my love of my life. My everything. Her face has faded now, but her soul is still in me. Just as bright as when I met her.

One day I decided to to go to the coffee shop where we met in. I came in and the place did not change a bit. The tables were in the same place, the pictures were the same. Even the waitress that took our order was still here.
Memories just rushed though my head like lightening. Her laugh, smile, and those dimples. God, I missed her. I still had my ring on to. I don't think I will ever take it off either.
Then while I was drinking my coffee, I stopped drinking, and my mind stopped as well. I felt like I was seeing her all over again.
A woman with blond hair and the same height and complexion came into the cafe. She was gorgeous just like her, with her warm smile to present her beauty. She then saw me and smiled my way. She walked towards me.
We started talking and I realized she was just like her, and yet she wasn't. She had different things that made her, her.
She had freckles and more elongation to her face and figure. I felt happy, I felt alive, I felt a new start. I found my love, new love, old love. I finally was free from darkness and depression. This new girl, Cynthia her name was. She had dimples, but not on her smile but near her outer corner of her eyes. It was cute and different. I then thanked god that day for his remorse given.



We have been married for fifteen years now and have two kids, boy and girl. The girl I named Dania. After my first love.
Thank you Dania, you will always be my first love. I will always carry you in my heart and with dimples to keep to keep it happy.
Oh and did I tell you my daughter had dimples just like she did, I always tell her to smile all the time.
Anyways, thank you for listening on my life story. I have to go now though cause its our anniversary and she is demanding we do something special...sheesh. It is so funny how two woman can be the same, but yet so different.

First Love

Dania you were the one,
I thought we would be brighter then the sun,
But god had other reasons,
For dimming or light ad love seasons,
Smile for me baby,
And someday I just maybe,
Find you in that cafe,
That I found you that very day,
Dania you will always be in my heart,
For you soul can never leave me, never part.