I lay here motionless and tired as I will ever be. I get up slowly, and my neck in a knot from sleeping on it wrong. I am sore from the bottoms of my feet and my hands need to be cracked and my back is twisted. I wish I could just lay back down and dream of the little nothings that fill my head in deep sleep wrapped in the somewhat scented sheets. I walk steadily upwards and look to the view out the palm tree and sunny morning view window sill. I am blinded by the light and quickly close the blinds. I walk wearily through the room and head towards the bathroom. I wash up, splashing water on my face just to see my reflection. I head outside to the living room where the on going routine proceeds with my wife cleaning, my son crying in the distant room, and my daughter scarfing food down in the high chair. I head to the kitchen and eat breakfast served in the microwave from the morning when she cooked it for me. It was the afternoon, and in an hour I would have to leave for work. I eat it all not leaving a morsel and without looking at her or saying much as a word for I was tired beyond comprehension, and then head to the bathroom once again. I took a shower and dressed in my white buttoned down shirt hanging on the bathroom hook on the door, and my black suede shoes on the corner of the closet door. I tucked in my shirt in my black work pants and I yelled for my belt, for I could not find it. She went and grabbed it for me in the closet. Without a word again, I opened the front door and left for work. I drove twenty miles down to the restauraunt, and tied on my apron as I entered the place. It was busy today so I had my pen handy in my apron pocket and took orders constantly through out the hours on end. One person asked for the manager because I did not get her order on time, so I was written up, and apologized for the delay for it before hand, but the lady did not care. Money was taken out of my pay check and I went on with my day taking orders and carrying out food to the customers. My shoes were starting to ride on my ankle and made blisters on the heel of my foot. I still gave out food with a smile, even though I had a migraine from this.After work I was sore but wanted to relax, and did not want to go home to a desperate wining wife so I went out and got a beer with my friends at TGI Fridays. I stayed there for a while and then was invited at around midnight to go to a house party. I went and eventually got drunk and stayed over. I came home to seeing my desperate woman lying asleep in the hallway. I moved her over with a little force , as I was tired ad passed out on the bed in our room. I woke up with her sleeping on the ground in the middle of the day because the kids were asleep taking a nap, and I guess she did not want to bother me. She thought she was always doing something wrong, in which she was, as she was the biggest clutse ever. She loved me but I did not care so much for her, just felt obligated. I mean I was married to her. So I let her think what she wanted, but she knew I would go out at night and not be with her early the next morning. I would not say I loved her because I did not feel it, so I was honest I felt at least. She was ennoying a t times to. I would just try to block her out though. Anyways, I walked over herself on the floor and head for the bathroom again, sighing on the way because of a nightmare at work I had again. I am always worried I am not going to make enough money for my family or be fired from a customers complaint. I always went to work on time though, and did my jobto the best of my abilities. Last night though was far to long, considering my six month old baby girl stayed up all night crying. I could not sleep, I waited for my wife to get her down and make her stop, but I laid there waiting for hours. I then decided it was enough and hit the baby lightly on the leg a bit, to make her know she could not cry. She whimpered and stopped after ten minutes and was asleep. I hate that my wife can not simply do her mom duties since she has no job and has nothing better to do but take care of her children. It makes me so mad to see how horrable she does things. Always something wrong, and then I have to get after her like a little girl to show her how to iron my shirt perfectly and clean the bathroom perfect and cook good. She is so worthless, and I have no idea why I married her. I have to live with it I guess, I mean at least I have another girl at night I can go to for other qualities that she lacks in.
I been gooing to work now for a seventy hour work week,and the tips are a bit low lately and my wife has been on me lately about getting the diapers and what not. She is also on top of that a depressing person that constantly lately has been nagging about me, and whether or not I love her, when I tell her she knows the answer and that question will not be asked again.
I start to get fed up with everything, and now we have to pay rent and get diapers and food. I came home late at night one day and decided not to enter the apartment. I look back to my car and the money in my wallet with the slight open of freshly folded bills. I think about the crying and wining from my family, and then I stop in my tracks and head back to my car. I open the door and sit in the drivers seat for a while staring at the dash board. I thought to myself and and looked at the car seats in the back. I looked out to the grass and the curb through the window. I then turned the ignition on, and started to drive.
I woke up to thinking he was going to be in the bed in the room,so I did not bother to go in. I started my daily routine of cleaning the house and cooking his breakfast. Then I gave my kids there baths and clothed them. Then I fed them and when it was time to put my daughter down for her nap I rocked her lightly to sleepin my arms as my son watched TV. Since her crib was in the room, I went into the room. I opened the door and he wasn't there. My heart sank a bit but then, I said well he must be with his girlfriend. It hurt to think about stuff like that, but it was the truth and I just passed it through my head as something I just would have to live with. I loved him but the did not love me, I just had to deal with it. I put my daughter down to sleep and then found my son asleep in the living room. I cleaned up a bit and took a shower with the bathroom door open so I could hear my babies in case they cried. After all I was the only one there. I waited till it was in the afternoon, and then I got worried. He has not come back and he has to work today. I cried to myself through the house for I was unsteady and did not know what to think. He would not answer his phone and went straight to voice mail.
I finally got a hold of him at one in the morning, and he told me he was tired of everything and was taking a plane back to his home country. He said I would have my life to myself now and the kids were mine. He then hung up, I tried calling him back minutes later but it said the phone was disconnected or no longer in service. He left me and I would never see him again after that day. Me and the kids went to a shelter, and I ended up getting a job. He was the only person I had loved, even how much he hurted me or put me down, I still loved him. Maybe it was an attachment, but I guess I am over it now. Me and my kids now have a apartment alone, and they never saw there dad again.
The life that I had with my wife and kids is long gone and I am finally happy to live a life of my own in my home country without the stresses of family business.
I can finally be with many girls and have them fit my needs to my satisfaction. I never hear from my past life ever again. She was so worthless and I hated being married.
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Do You See Me
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Do you see me tearful eyed on those scrunched up sheets as I shiver, No you don't I am now strong like that overpowering flowing through your veins river, Do you see me in the corner of the room in a ball, No you don't I am on that top of that building standing tall, Do you see me breathing rapidly not being able to conceive, No you don't you see me reaching my goals as I achieve, Do you see me with my limbs so numb and weak, No you don't you see me climb to the top legs so shaped on that top of that peak, Do you see me embarrassed for feeling alone, No you don't cause I am not I have a soul now as the light has now shone, Do you see me writing you meaningless letters, No you don't because you see me as the most capable of caretaker's, Do you see me wanting you and needing you, No you don't cause I am different and can stand on two feet so elegant so true, Do you see me saying those three words anymore, No you don't for that day is gone and have finally chose the correct door.
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