"Mom?...I still think about her everyday..that is why I came by to see you today. I am naming my daughter Delila."
"Why..? Why would you name her after her? I mean, it is nice..but you should have picked a name that suited your wife's and yours preference."
"You see, that is where you are lost. I loved Delila..even if I was 6 ma. She was sweet and truly a gift from god..there is no clue why he took her."
"Well..if you feel this is right. If you feel your daughter sets forth with that family lume..good for you sweetie."
"I am mom, I can finally see the sister and daughter all in one..be so sweet, and finally grow before my eyes....and mom....no SID reaction will happen to her ever..I will never let any nature take her away!"
"I trust she is safe within your hands...from all natures complications. It was a freak accident with your sister."
"Yeah....well..I got to go ma, ill see you in a few days or so to stop by with Delila...k..ma?"
"I would not think any later...love you sweet...better head out before the snow storm kicks though."
I remember my mother being the most humble and god giving human of a mother that I felt, man had ever created. She was so very sweet. She was a full time mom and business entrepreneur. Her and my dad were always canoodling and loving there family to the fullest.
I was about five turning six. I had a little baby sister, she was about six months. Her name was Delila and her name fit her well. My mother and father both named her from a passing word on a early 80's band..not sure what..but that is what they always said. It fit her though, and that's what counts, not if the bands were incomparable of her tender innocence.
My mother an father both worked though and we went back and forth when they did. I used to like when my mom would let me play with her type writer and colorful papers to make snow flake cut outs with millions of miscellaneous letter on them. She laughed, and said she could never had asked for a better son or daughter...ever! My father was seeming to continually go from loving every second we were all together..to he couldn't stop to even talk.
My father started to get more wok I think, and dropped us off with my mom frequently to be with her at work. Even though I was so young to understand much..I did see that my mom was an intelligent and outstanding mother. She carried Delila in one hand and typed with the other..and blowed kisses to me from across the room. She was the best.
Later as it was inching towards Delila becoming I think eight months old or so...and I was seven I believe. My parents, especially my dad were getting overwhelmingly stressed. Delila cried a bit more, and it got to my father. He yelled at my mother..one time even asking why couldn't they go back to the way it was before she was born.
I saw my mother stay happy though.for us at least. As I told you, she was a wonderful mother...that is all I saw her as, and all I would ever see her as. I was a mama's boy. My mother treated Delila though, more comfort because of the lack she was getting from her dad.
One morning, I heard my mother screaming and my father crying.
I ran into the nursery room and saw my father holding Delila in his arms. It was chilly that morning and was snowing outside.
My mother was in the corner of the window shaking and looking outside. I saw police heading up to our house and my father then murmured in a small whisper to a shaking stuttering loud tone,..."Why did she have to leave us, my baby Delila!"
My mother turned around and said, "She needs her diaper bag if she is going to the hospital, she needs her mobile, she needs...needs..DELILA!"
I started to cry not knowing what was going on as the police took Delila away.
It was not till later in a week, that my mother told me she was gone and went to heaven.
We went to her funeral and her death was told to be SIDS. Not till this day, I knew the real truth.
My mother had passed recently, she killed herself and jumped off a bridge. It was devastating to me, she was the last family I had, besides my dad that I don't talk to anymore.
My mother left me a farewell letter addressed to me....
"Dear Kevin,
I am sorry that I must take a sadness to your heart from my disposal. I just can not live with the things I have kept inside. I love you Kevin and I want you to forever know that. I made sure within motherhood that I took care of you with more love then a mother could. You and Delila.
Me and your father, after Delila passed I could not go on with him, as you found to see. Things were hard when Delila was around. With a new born baby and you, as well as both me and your dad working. It was a lot to take on. I am sorry for the pain you went though...of the yelling that took place. I know you listened in and I know you remember. I see it in your eyes every time I see you.
Most of all things I see in you, is Delila. Your honest love for your belated sister. Your baby sister was everything to me..with her big brown eyes, and cute button nose. She was everything.
Somehow Kevin..I have blocked it out. I have blocked out what really happened that day that Delila died.
That night your dad came home yelling and stressed and Delila was crying till she was red. She was crying so much, and I tried everything for her to stop. I needed her to stop, in order for your dad to stop yelling. I wanted you to get your sleep and for Delila to get her's.
It was snowing that night...do you remember? It was like a white fantasy, so beautiful it was with the snowflakes falling gently on the front lawn, purely covered in all white.
Delila would not stop, so I decided to take her outside to see the snow. The first step I took outside she stopped and her eyes got so big. You should have seen it Kevin. Her little hairs and skin was glowing as the snow flakes hit her pink round cheeks. Se giggled and wiggled her toes. I had a blanket wrapped tight around her and I was in my gown and robe. I decided that it would be a bad idea to go back inside. I did not want no more yelling. No more for my Delila. So I laid her on the lawn with her in seven inches deep of snowy white.
Before I knew it, it was morning, I saw a fawn walk across our lawn when I woke up. Then I looked down and realized that I was still outside with Delila. She still laid in my arms. She was so still and had no expression on her face..but a innocent dimple smirk on the left side of her smile.
She left me that morning. I did not even realize it. I think I was in so much shock that I thought she died from natural causes later on. My mind was traumatized to the fact, that it was me... I killed Delila..I wanted her to not endure the world I brought her in. Yelling, screaming, and stress.
I am sorry Kevin, and I love you sweetie...I hope you are happy with your wife and Delila will sure live though your soul and your daughters soul.
I may not see you in heaven..but I am sure Delila will someday. Love you my love...never doubt the love I feel for you.
Love xoxo Mommy"
SnowChild
Child so mild, you are the happiness that carries though,
That is the carrier of the heart that grew,
Darling lullaby the flakes they sweetly drop,
So much hope I held for you dear,
But with my hand I held you near,
Cold was it with the white as the blanket,
To take you forsaken from the sadness you may have to endure,
Sweet love so truer,
You are in there hands now, still so innocent when,
I love you sweet little love of mine, let snowflakes dust sweep such innocent to heavens doors to twine.
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