"I am so proud of you sweetie!"
"Ya, how can we ever ask for a more promising son as you."
"Thank you mom and dad, I do it because I love you."
--------..........
"Hey mom, da..."
------........
"Sidney we love you!"
-------......
"Hey mom, da...."
-------......
"We are going to have to take you out to eat and celebrate right now Sydney!"
-------......
"Mom! Dad!"
-------silence.
"What?! What is it Daryl?! What!"
"I need your help on some homework I have."
"Were going out right now Daryl, so we might be back later. Try to do it yourself like your brother. He gets good grades all the time!"
"Ya, Okay...."
Do you hear it? It is the emptiness inside this young boy that proceeds his life day to day as just a day to live and survive. I mean if you were to meet him you would see how silent, humble, and content energy he gives off to others. I guess no one really views or cherishes that. I guess it really doesn't matter.
Click, swivel, clank...the lockers all lock up in he hallway closing in synchronization as the bell rang for class.
Everyone started to shuffle through the people in groups, and separated from others to get to class. I separated from nothing. I did not shuffle, but limber. I slowly onward moved towards my first class of the day. I got there right when the five minute bell rang. I thought nothing as I entered inside, not even to think that I was late. I came in as the mumbles roared of class beginning. I sat down in my desk while muttering went on about me.
I really did not even notice anymore, it was just routine for me to endure. I was mostly called the lone skinny boy, who was stupid and a loser. I was bullied everyday of my life since I could remember. I really do not care though. I think I been through everything in name calling, pushing down, tripped, flushed, tagged, canned, and used in every which way possible. "Oh well", I would say.
This was my life, and no matter how hard I tried everyday for people to see me differently, they didn't. They never will.
I especially was cared for by a pack of guys that saw me as there hacki sack everyday. They would push me around, kick me, and make fun of my figure and just plain presence. A few times I was beat till I could feel my rib cage cave in and my eyes peel out. I was even forced to drown, but they gave up and let me go.
I always told my parents about this stuff that would happen to me. Well at least I used to. They never listen, or even care to listen. They were to wrapped up in my older brother Sydney.
He was two grades higher then me, and one grade higher just because he was smart. He was smart as I said, athletic, and popular. He placed number two rank in head of his football team and was head coordinator of the debate group, and junior president of the school council.
I did not even try from the beginning to be as good as him. It was useless, and even if I did my parents still would not notice me. Cause he was there favorite, there shining charm, there first child. I was a dog in potty training to them. Better yet a neut or a rat that was a pest to put up with for them.
I used to cry myself to sleep every night in a silent hum. No one knew, and no one will ever know because I don't do it anymore. It did no good and will never do any good. To pray to god for help. He hasn't helped me for fifteen years of my life. I think he pities me and thinks of me as a defect he made. Just how all the other people think of me.
Another day of school, and breakfast that mom made was not enough for me. She only made enough for Sydney and told me to buy breakfast at school.
It was raining out and dad said he used my only coat to clean the tires of his car and accidentally threw it away.
So I had no coat and was walking to school today in the rain because my brother did not want to give me a ride, or ever did he want to. My mom was in a hurry and told me to take the bus. I did not like the bus because of the three guys that tormented me on it. So I walked three miles to school.
By the time I got there I was soaked from head to toe and was late by twenty five minutes to my first class. I came in and everyone was into there work. When I entered everyone gave me a disgusted look on there faces as they stared at me. Even the teacher did. My clothes were to soaked to enter the classroom with so the teacher told me to go to the lost and found and pick out some clothes to wear. I ended up having to wear girls clothes, shirt and pants through the whole day. I don't even have to explain to you how that went. I even got all the books stolen from my locker that day. I then was sent to the office because someone incriminated a pipe and weed in my back pack for fun, and then told the teacher I had it.
I walked home early, as I was let out for that. I decided to pack a few things for my own need when I got home. I then decided I did not want to talk to my parents when they got home( not like they would anyways).
I took a nap and fell asleep till the next day.
I got up and noticed everyone was gone and left for school and work already. I then knelt down on the floor with my hands clutched together near my bed. I then prayed and got up and gathered some things.
I got to the building with the Spartan mascot painted on the front of it. I then organized my stuff I had with me and covered my face with black nylon cotton. I put on white latex gloves and had my dads black trench coat on in replace of mine. With it clutched tightly in my hand I put it in my inside pocket. I started to walk briskly and slowly as I always do. I opened the metal door entrance as I slammed quietly as I came in.
I walked though the empty hallways.
My mind was at ease, and my heart stayed at a steady beat as I came near the first classroom. I clutched what was in my pocket with my other hand on the door knob.
As I opened the door slowly the teacher slowly moved her head in my direction.
I looked at her briefly and slinged out what was in my pocket and ignited. She fell to the floor without reaction. Then I saw the guys that would torment me. They fell to the floor with three quick clicks.
I think I heard screaming, but my mind was so at ease and translucent I did not even hear the canisters falling to the floor.
The rest of them, 15, I took them out without even noticing they were nervously scattering around.
Then after I was done with that room I made it to the second..third..and now I have took at least half of my classmates and teachers to forbid the grounds that lay there limp bodies.
I then heard sirens in the back of my head. But I kept walking and triggering every last person I saw move in front of me. I then came to the P.E. room where I knew he was at. I saw him hiding in the corner. he got up slowly and said my name in quite murmurs and whispered he loved me.
I could barely hear him though. I was ready for this. Ad the moment that he said that, his perfection of a brother was gone. I then took off my mask and laid it near his body. I took off my trench and pulled it up on him, pulling his arms though the sleeves. I went to the locker room sink and washed off the splatters of blood that barely touched my face and hands. I then walked back over to his body on the floor and placed the gun in his hand and pointed it to his head where I shot him. I then took off the gloves and threw them into the toilet and flushed them down.
I knelt down to his hand with the gun clutched and his fingers surrounding. I then looked up and cleared my mind and closed my hand around his and pulled it near my head. I closed my eyes and could hear the metal align out before it took it's last shot.
He laid near his brother with his brother clutching the gun as he wanted. His brother and him laid in there blood as silent sirens and screams echoed the back ground.
Nothing
I speak of something,
Had enough of this nothing,
Nothing to say,
I tried in a way everyday,
Mild beats,
Clutched defeats,
Done with it,
I had enough, I quit,
Trigger pulls my insanity,
You don't care right?
Cause you never noticed me,
Hold the pain, let it ignite.
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